Love locked

My guru once said something along the lines of: don’t put chains or conditions on your love – as soon as you do, you guarantee that your love will die one day. I always agreed with that and tried to not bind my beloveds with conditions (although, of course there have always been unconscious conditions and expectations that I see once a relationship is over). But only recently did I realise that this also means: don’t put chains or conditions on yourself, either. I think at least half the reason my marriage ended was the limits I put on myself. I tried to impress in the first months, I re-wrote myself in certain ways to leave out aspects of my life and personality I’m not proud of, I left out things I thought were ‘too much’ or too intimidating.

And so I set the end date for my relationship, as those parts of me are me, also, and would not be silenced or denied.

Don’t limit yourself, don’t censor yourself, don’t try to impress. It’s very hard, when you meet someone that bowls you over and you want so much for them to love you back. And you can obviously never see into your blind spots. But not having been as brave and true as I might have is my greatest regret. Who knows what the outcome would have been? The relationship might have never happened, or ended much sooner. All I know is that I never want to feel this kind of regret again.

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